From the recording Breathing Under Water

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story: Cold Iowa wintertime. Jack Frost had more than moved in. This song was written about my dad who took his life when I was 9. I was playing guitar and trying to write songs. At this point, I didn’t really have a clue as to what effect his death would have on me. Thousands of dollars and years of therapy later, I’m cool with the whole mess.
Warning: do not drive or operate heavy machinery while listening to “Big Girls Don’t Cry.”


Jean Mazzei, © 2006, December

Running rain down my windowpane
My guardian angel is crying again
Another beginning of another end
With you

You’d hear my voice but you wouldn’t pick up
You’d stay in your room with your door locked shut
Your silence was loud, but I could still hear you

I built a workd where I could hide, I shut down the place where theres’ pain inside
so my pillow stayed dry
Cuz Big girls don’t cry

Jackfrost came and made my fingers all numb
I painted the silence with my lonely song
Hearing the words come out all wrong
About you

I had to escape from my emotional lie
Like a caterpillar turns to butterfly
I guess it was time for me to say goodbye
To you

I tried to run but I couldn’t hide, so I shut down the place where theres’ pain inside
But my pillow’s not dry
And Big girls don’t cry

When you came and took your life away from me
You left a big hole where my heart should be

I’ve cried all the tears that I had to cry
It took me awhile, but I opened my eyes
And now I sing this lullaby
To you

It was easy to run, but I couldn’t hide, or shut down the place where the pain lives
Cuz pillows will dry
And Big girls can cry
Big girls can cry
Big girls can cry
Big girls can cry